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Take Note: Types of Abusive Men


 By Pastor Shane Lems - Posted at The Reformed Reader Blog:

I was talking with a friend recently about abuse – specifically abuse in the church. It is no myth, nor is it a joke. It does happen that men in positions of church authority simultaneously abuse their authority and people under their authority. Speaking of abuse, including sexual, emotional, physical, or verbal abuse, here’s a good resource I’ve mentioned before: Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Please note that this is not a Christian book, and I don’t agree with every aspect. But it is a situation where Christians can “go to the ant” or “plunder the Egyptians” to get practical life wisdom (Prov. 6:6, 30:25, Ex. 12:35-36).

Speaking of abuse, after counseling hundreds of abuse victims, in the fourth chapter Bancroft notes a few different types of abusive men she has come across: The Demand Man, Mr. Right, The Water Torturer (figuratively), The Drill Sergeant, Mr. Sensitive, The Player, Rambo, The Victim, The Terrorist, and The Mentally Ill/Addicted Abuser. This is a very insightful chapter, and it lines up exactly with the information I’ve heard of or dealt with in a situation of abuse. Sadly, some abusive pastors and elders fit into one or more of these categories.

One category that I want to point out is the abusive man Lundy calls “Mr. Right.” Here is the outlook and attitude of this type of abusive man, in Lundy’s words...



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