An open letter to the church from an abused Christian wife

By Anna Grace Wood - Posted at The Cross Is All We Need:

Dearest brothers and sisters in Christ,

It is with a heavy heart, for the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ, and because of His grace that I sit down to write you. I’m writing for myself and for my sisters in Christ who suffer under the heavy hand of domestic abuse. You might hear that term and immediately think that you don’t know anyone living in an abusive situation so what I’m about to say really doesn’t apply to you. Please don’t think that. You probably do know someone who is being abused; you just don’t know it yet. Domestic abuse, domestic violence or, as it is often referred to today, DV, isn’t just about whether or not a man is physically beating his wife: He may or may not be but still be abusive. Abuse comes in many forms. Sometimes it manifests as physical abuse but not always. When a woman is regularly torn down by an abuser’s words, when she is afraid to speak up, afraid to make decisions for fear of displeasing him, when she is controlled by her husband, when she lives in fear of angry outbursts, when she is dominated physically, sexually, spiritually, financially or emotionally, she is being abused. Domestic abuse lives within our churches–not that our abusers are Christians, I’m not saying that, but abusive men often masquerade as godly men, and within our pews are Christian women, your sisters in Christ, who are married to abusive men. We are here even if you haven’t yet realized it (and I can understand that since abuse, at its core, is hard to grasp or believe), and the abuse we live under is real. Because our Lord has called His people to care for the oppressed and the poor among the brethren, we’re asking you to care for us. We especially beg you to care about our children.

How do I convey the ache in my heart? Due to my situation, I don’t always get to attend worship services. It is so glorious when I am able to. Meeting with you, worshiping our Lord, reminds me of the glories of heaven when we shall be together with Jesus forever. I long for that glorious Day. When the service has ended, when the last prayer has been said, and it comes time to go home, I walk out of the door with a lump in my throat, an ache in my heart, and unshed tears threatening to flow down my cheeks. The life that awaits me is nothing like the life most of you are going home to. My life is so often stark, lonely, full of pain and stress. When I walk out of that door, I walk into a home filled with heartbreak. I’m married to an abuser–one whose abuse of us has covered much of the abuse spectrum. I, like so many other of your sisters living in abuse, have often been made fun of by my abuser for my faith–frequently in front of my children (even though he, like so many other abusers, masquerades as a Christian). I’m not the only Christian wife whose husband is abusive; I know so many who are. Precious godly women who have been beaten down physically, emotionally, and mentally. God’s daughters who pay a tremendous price just to serve Him in their homes, to teach their children about Him, or to be able to gather together with you to worship our Lord. Women whose home lives are a living nightmare. Women like me. Not all of us will have black and blue bodies from physical assault but all of us have beaten and bruised hearts. All of us live in a man-made war zone.

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